No matter how much one claims to "have a will to live," and know that committing suicide will hurt the ones who love them, and know that they ultimately do not want to end their life, pessimistic thoughts have a way of sneaking in. They yearn for happiness. They yearn for the dark days to no longer tag-a-long and follow. They yearn to smile and genuinely carry it with them, without it disappearing two seconds later for no apparent reason.
That is merely a form I am familiar with--a short version.
It is upsetting--triggering--when others (especially idols or inspirations, or even total strangers) give in to their depression and take their lives. (Or even shows like 13 Reasons Why). It is truly difficult to put it into words, but I will explain the feeling like this:
Imagine you are in a long line. At the beginning of the line is the edge of a cliff. You are watching others take their steps off of it one by one. You are further down the line, but you are just watching, weaving your head over others to see how close you are getting to the same fate.
Hearing about another take their life from depression steals your own hope at times. It makes you wonder, "Well, I am strong for now and today, at this moment, but will I end up with the same fate eventually?"
I take each loss of life that could have been spared personal.
I personally look to others suffering from depression and root for them to prosper as my own source of motivation at times. When they take that permanent leap, I feel the loss of someone who knew exactly how I can feel at times, even though, ironically, most people who suffer from depression never tend to feel as if anyone understands what they are feeling.
One of my main goals in life is to rid of the negative connotations associated with depression and other mental illnesses. It is the manner in which most of these things are deemed taboo (or speaking about them is deemed taboo) that lead to more losses and tragedies.
An individual should never be ignored, nor should they be made to feel ashamed for their condition.
Being ashamed keeps many from reaching out for help.
I had the great opportunity to interview people and write a piece about depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses for Talisman's blog site, and in it, I spoke about some ways in which people fight through their conditions. I cannot link it for ownership reasons, but everyone has their own way of continuing to roll out of bed each day; whatever way works for an individual, they should follow. (Ideally, of course, a healthy manner).
Some take medication, which sometimes works and sometimes does not. And some, like me, self-medicate. This involves a multitude of things/rituals such as: focusing on family & friends, speaking to them about my down times (being open, honest), focus on myself--away from others/distractions.
And it is not as if it ever stops. It is like a wheel that keeps going, or you have to find the strength to keep getting that wheel to spin.
I really do not believe there is any wrong or right way to cope (as long as you are not a harm to yourself or others), but the main thing is that the depression is faced and dealt with.
I only hope that as uncomfortable as the conversation may be, that more people open up to it.