Monday, September 4, 2017

I Saw His Crown

I Saw His Crown

By Shaire Blythe
Tuesday, March 1, 2016

I saw my King, My whole life in his eyes
Daydreaming, Not what it seems, All lies?

I cannot shake our adventures out of my head
Boardwalk, Taking pictures
And yet, we end

I don’t know, I don't know
Gotta let it go
'Cause you've done let it go

Thursday, August 31, 2017

Trigger


Trigger

By Shaire Blythe
Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Okay, let's do this again
Pull the trigger, thinking of beating me to it
Do you really know what you're doing?

I get it, I do
Getting too close, Envisioning your own funeral
I'm sorry that's how you feel
Can't help how you feel
Guess you can't help how you've made me feel too

There's nothing to it
We keep running around
There's nothing to it
I've been through it, trying to find my way out
Over and over again

Friday, August 25, 2017

No Belief


No Belief

By Shaire Blythe
Sunday, June 26, 2016

How to say this where you'll know I mean it
The world is cold, I've been left out to fend on my own
But no one's meant to be alone

Yes, I've had my feelings hurt
I'm great at committing to endings
But I don’t believe in endings, so what does that say?

Where I'll Be

Where I'll Be

By Shaire Blythe
Friday, August 25, 2017

Hard time, figuring if you want me to come around, or stand my ground
Mixed signals, aren't you sick and tired of them?
A greater headache I can't take,
Maybe it's just what we're all used to,

Thinking we can get away with anything
Thinking we're immune to consequences
Half the time, we don't see them coming

I don't wanna make a bed I can't lay in
Been wanting something different
Losing my mind to find another way
I've seen everything change

Don't judge me
I need some understanding
When I go the distance or cave into me
Going off from what I'm given
Believing what I'm seeing
If you need me, you know where I'll be

Wandering, gently swaying to the rhythm of my soul
Not tripping, true love takes me home

Let the past be erased, all the temporary
Holding on to fragments to not be alone

Maybe it's just what were used to,
So damn complicated
When it's much simple

Either it's real or imagined
Either we feel or we haven't
Half the time, it's just for a moment

I don't wanna fall into the coat of lust
Been searching for something different
Paving a path to find another way
Everything has changed

Waiting patiently for the next journey, that'll take my breath away
So many high points that mean everything to me,
But they all fade away
In my memories
I can keep
Till it's permanent, you know where I'll be
In a space so lovely
I won't lose me

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Get It, Right

Get It, Right

By Shaire Blythe
August 3, 2017

I'm not extending myself for you
I've crossed rivers too many times
Might believe that I've took on the role of a fool
But I sleep just fine

Knowing my type of real when I feel it
Knowing exactly what I'm seeing
There's no blind to lead the blind

Never been the sort to run when you want me
I will come when I want to
Till you prove you're worth the time

Get it, right?

There's a game you want to ensue
Play it on your own
I've played the game, wanting to feel brand new
Ended up emptier inside

There's no winning
Too much effort to put into lies

One day you'll see it
Brush off your regrets
There's still pain in the end

You get it, right?

Ella said it's not my job to show these boys some education
And I know she's right

I must admit
I have my instances of believing in hopeless dreams
I'm finally getting it right
Time is limited, right?

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Simple

Simple

By Shaire Blythe
January 1, 2016

It's the little things that mean the most
Never knew I was asking for the world
I guess my love made you the ghost
At night I toss and turn

I say I made a mistake
But love takes two
At moments I found my faith
Then two steps back, running same course

But it could be so simple
As long as there's nothing to hide
It used to be so simple
All doubts casted aside
But with time there comes rain
You either run or you let it pour
We once said we'd let it pour
No matter what's to come
In the end there would come sun
Guess we lied

I knew what would be our ruins
I predicted each time
Every hope to push through it
You said you would help me every time

It seems you've gotten tired
Forgot the words you mentioned
Cause keeping my mouth shut was a crime
You could see right through me
But speaking out wasn't a win either
We took so many rounds
And I was still fighting through it
Told you that I was fighting through it
Neither one of us had to end up stupid

All I did was care
And you noticed, you know this
All my insecurities you knew
I wanted what we had to be honest
Just with you

In so many ways we did change
And maybe that's just the way that it goes
I still don't know answers to how to love

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Albums That Did No Wrong


Gym Class Heroes - Paper Chronicles II*                            Jennifer Lopez - AKA*

Jhene Aiko - Souled Out*                                                     Lumidee - Unexpected*

JoJo - Mad Love*                                                                  Kat Deluna - 9 Lives

Demi Lovato - Confident*                                       Nikyee Heaton - Bad Intentions EP

Chip - London Boy Mixtape                                                 JMSN - Priscilla*

Jennifer Lopez - This Is Me… Then                   Jay Sean - The Mistress Part I & II*

Taeyang - Rise                                                                       O-Town - Lines & Circles

Conor Maynard - Contrast                                                   Janine - XX EP

Pia Mia - The Gift EP                                                            Kat Dahlia - My Garden

BeyoncĂ© - BeyoncĂ©                                                                BTS - Dark & Wild

Jennifer Lopez - On The 6                                           Sinead Harnett - Chapter One

Agust D - Agust D

                           Khleo Thomas & Chris Batson - After Everything Fades

Jaymes Young - Dark Star*                                                  Tinashe - In Case We Die

Jhene Aiko & Big Sean - Twenty 88

                           BTS - The Most Beautiful Moment In Life Part I & II*

                           Jonny Craig - Find What You Love & Let It Kill You*

Paramore - Brand New Eyes*                                               Jhene Aiko - Sail Out

G-Eazy - These Things Happen *                                          P!nk - Funhouse

Danity Kane - Danity Kane                                                   Angel Haze - Dirty Gold*

Jordin Sparks - Battlefield*                                                 Jhene Aiko - Sailing Souls

G-Eazy - Must Be Nice                                                         Rihanna - Rated R*

                         Jon Bellion - Translations Through Speakers

Nikki Flores - XII XV EP                                                Stacie Orrico - Stacie Orrico

XV - Zero Heroes*                                                                Leona Lewis - Echo*

The Veronicas - Hook Me Up                                              Kard - Hola Hola

JMSN - Pllaje                                                                        Tinashe - Reverie

Kelly Clarkson - Breakaway*                                     Tamar Braxton - Love & War

                      Snow Tha Product - Good Nights & Bad Mornings 2: The Hangover*

P!nk - I'm Not Dead*                                                        MGK - General Admission*

Todrick Hall - Straight Outta Oz                                     Jon Bellion - The Separation

ZICO - Gallery                                                  The Veronicas - The Secret Life Of…

Jessi - Un2verse                                                                Jon Bellion - The Definition

Travis Garland - Travis Garland                      Emeli Sande - Long Live The Angels

NF - Therapy Session*                                                         BTS - Wings

Rap Monster - RM                                                        Twenty One Pilots - Blurryface

Bea Miller - Chapter Two: Red                                           Ella Mai - Time

ZICO - Televison                                                              
                      Snow Tha Product - Half Way There… Part I

Eminem - Recovery*                                                       Shawn Mendes - Handwritten

Janine - Dark Mind EP                                                    G-Eazy - When It’s Dark Out

JoJo - III*                                                                            KR - It Could Happen

Tinashe - Aquarius*                                                            Krewella - Ammunition*

Banks - The Altar                                                                Billy - I'm Not Okay EP*

Little Mix - Salute

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Even If

Even If

By Shaire Blythe
Tuesday, August 1, 2017

I would be lying if I said it didn’t hurt
It hurts for a moment, then the pain and tears disappear
They're barely there

With the passing of time,
I made up my mind
To not allow a soul to damage what's not permanent

If you don't mean it, don’t say it
I'm not asking for broken promises
Or beautiful words you think I want to hear
You can keep them, save them, my dear
Guess it doesn't matter no ways,
The truth always came
Just at the right time, even if I didn’t see it

The journey's shortening, I am learning
Feel like I can say I'm invincible

It's always something, just that something
Curiosity and entrancement turn to a joke

Knowing it won’t forever be like this
Everyone grows on their own
But the clocks keep running
I can see clearly
The past is what haunts the most

No one said give me the world
No one said make me your girl
I'm just searching for one thing
It's pretty simple

No you can't, reprimand me
For doing what I choose to do
Not when you're pretending
Guess I know how to be cold too

At least in your eyes,
Watching as tables turn
There remains a difference between you and I

Sunday, August 6, 2017

River Eleven

River Eleven

By Shaire Blythe
Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Calm waters never came
I stepped in, looked the other way

Might say I was never thinking
I think that maybe, my heart was left behind

Father forgive me
I didn’t mean it
Blinded myself from looking ahead
Kept repeating,
Have I learned this time?
I've made up my mind

No feeling, allow me to feel it
Can it be such a crime?

I did see it, all the signs
To reel myself into me at night

And I know, me more than anyone
I just have to have what I want

It came at all costs

River eleven I'm crossing this time
I won't ever glance back

A journey that I know won't be easy
The greatest things never are

Father forgive me
I didn’t mean it
Blinded myself from looking ahead
Kept repeating,
I have learned this time
I've made up my mind

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Ginger Glow

Ginger Glow

By Shaire Blythe
Tuesday, August 1, 2017

One thought and I can't keep still
I feel a rush like no other

Been that way since day one
The longest time I've kept you under cover

I had my love and you had yours
Even then, my friend, my heart was rapid near you

There's no such thing as too late
As the winter showed
We climbed some mountains

In the winter where it didn't snow,
We never grew cold
But there were chills, lip upon lip
Hold upon hold
I won't forget
Your ginger glow

I'm sure that you're irreplaceable
Yet I've been moving along

No words had to be spoken
The lovely atmosphere did all the talking

Vibes that only you can lend me
Reminiscing, only then do I know I'm incomplete

But I will cherish the moments
I knew we just might have a moment
Gave my all, baring parts of me most won't ever see
But if we meet again,

I'll remember the winter where it didn't snow
I'll remember how we never grew cold
But there were chills, my body telling me how I feel

I'll remember that we didn't let go
I'll remember we're both gentle souls
That's how we live, love still near
We just had to go home

And I'll still think about you
Hoping true love will find you
And maybe one day we'll meet again

Sunday, July 30, 2017

I Am Not a Writer

        I Am Not a Writer
        By Shaire Blythe

                              I cannot stand to scribble                                   down
                    the rabbit hole where the clock                                      ticks
                           me off. Ears reddening                                             like
                      rapid flames licking the tip of                                         my
      God, who knew the brain could wrack with                    a thousand shredded words
                    have come to equal the feces of                                        my life
                              is its own parody                                                     laughing
                  at the tears of my younger self                                            over
                      priorities that were scrambled                                       together
                             I'll be sure to hold                                                   my own
                           ground has disappeared,                                      allowing me to
                                   free fall into shame,                            to confidently say
                                                                     I am a writer.

Saturday, July 29, 2017

Confessions

Confessions

By Shaire Blythe
Friday, July 21, 2017

It wasn't nothing, to give in to your loving arms
You think I'm something, but I can't compare to you
I might make God jealous,
Trying to keep my head on straight

Got me thinking of slowing my roll,
Keeping feet on ground
Kids and a house--
Just playin'
Save that for another day

Right now, I'm just enjoying your company
Counting the kisses down my spine
Exploring what the world has to offer us each day

I don't wanna draw you out,
But it would be a shame to keep you in,
Just a little more time before we start confessions

You let me in,
I know how hard opening up was
Accustomed to surface love
You'll only receive deep from me

I was fine with alone,
So I thought
You just happened to come along, unexpected
Never dreamt it,
That it would be me and you
Colliding for our moments,
I will hold on to them

Don't wanna mess up what's been built,
Yet I just have to profess that I'm yours, and you're my man
Is it that time,
To start confessions?

You're all that I've needed,
Put to rest my darkest days
However you see it,
I'll do what it takes to keep us

I don't wanna draw you out,
But it would be a shame to keep you in,
Guess it's time we start confessing

Friday, July 21, 2017

;

How to explain depression to one who has no idea what it is like to suffer from it?

No matter how much one claims to "have a will to live," and know that committing suicide will hurt the ones who love them, and know that they ultimately do not want to end their life, pessimistic thoughts have a way of sneaking in. They yearn for happiness. They yearn for the dark days to no longer tag-a-long and follow. They yearn to smile and genuinely carry it with them, without it disappearing two seconds later for no apparent reason. 

That is merely a form I am familiar with--a short version.

It is upsetting--triggering--when others (especially idols or inspirations, or even total strangers) give in to their depression and take their lives. (Or even shows like 13 Reasons Why). It is truly difficult to put it into words, but I will explain the feeling like this:

Imagine you are in a long line. At the beginning of the line is the edge of a cliff. You are watching others take their steps off of it one by one. You are further down the line, but you are just watching, weaving your head over others to see how close you are getting to the same fate.

Hearing about another take their life from depression steals your own hope at times. It makes you wonder, "Well, I am strong for now and today, at this moment, but will I end up with the same fate eventually?" 

I take each loss of life that could have been spared personal. 

I personally look to others suffering from depression and root for them to prosper as my own source of motivation at times. When they take that permanent leap, I feel the loss of someone who knew exactly how I can feel at times, even though, ironically, most people who suffer from depression never tend to feel as if anyone understands what they are feeling. 

One of my main goals in life is to rid of the negative connotations associated with depression and other mental illnesses. It is the manner in which most of these things are deemed taboo (or speaking about them is deemed taboo) that lead to more losses and tragedies. 

An individual should never be ignored, nor should they be made to feel ashamed for their condition. 

Being ashamed keeps many from reaching out for help.

I had the great opportunity to interview people and write a piece about depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses for Talisman's blog site, and in it, I spoke about some ways in which people fight through their conditions. I cannot link it for ownership reasons, but everyone has their own way of continuing to roll out of bed each day; whatever way works for an individual, they should follow. (Ideally, of course, a healthy manner).

Some take medication, which sometimes works and sometimes does not. And some, like me, self-medicate. This involves a multitude of things/rituals such as: focusing on family & friends, speaking to them about my down times (being open, honest), focus on myself--away from others/distractions.

And it is not as if it ever stops. It is like a wheel that keeps going, or you have to find the strength to keep getting that wheel to spin.

I really do not believe there is any wrong or right way to cope (as long as you are not a harm to yourself or others), but the main thing is that the depression is faced and dealt with.

I only hope that as uncomfortable as the conversation may be, that more people open up to it.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Words Unsaid


"So here's my idea: let's all stop being little fucks. Respect other people enough to tell them the truth. If someone makes you happy, tell them. If someone inspires you, tell them. If you're not interested in someone, please just fucking tell them. Don't ignore people until they disappear. It's time we grow up and stop leaving people hanging with unanswered texts and cryptic social media posts. Everyone is human and we're all just trying to understand one another in this messy dating world, so stop treating a relationship of any kind like it’s a challenge to complete. Be honest with other people about how you feel and don't get so lost in playing the game that you forget to extend that same courtesy to yourself." - Unknown

I read this in an article a while back and screen shot it. My heart was on fire (a good one) after reading the article, but especially the passage above. 

The fire in my heart was a tad conflicted, however. For I have been guilty of falling off the face of earth in my past, and I have not forgotten it. It was much easier than confronting the person, saying that "I cannot see a future with you," "I am talking to someone else and would really like to give things a try with them," and etc. And those would have been the exact phrases out of my mouth. I tend to sugarcoat nada when I am being honest. But it is never to be rude, and I do not mind the same to be said in return to me. That saying: treat others the way you want to be treated--that is my motto. So I truly try to stand by it, aware that the same words can be spoken to me. Yeah, the words might hurt for a moment, but at least they are being honest. I can respect honesty. Not telling half-truths or lying. Or pretending.

For over a year, though, the passage has been precisely how I try to carry myself--honest, baring and communicative to the best of my ability.

Is it easy?

Hell no.

But is it vital?

I would say so. Without a doubt.

In my twenty-two years of life, I have come to find that communication is key. It is not only vital for relationships (romantic), but friendships, work places--everything. One lack of communication can lead to a chain of misunderstandings. Me, personally, it is only frustrating and more work to have to "go back in time" and try to explain this and that, when it could have been hashed out the second it came to be. Or a clear realization happened. 

But I am gradually learning, that is typically merely me.

I do not think many see how much guts it takes for a person to speak their mind or share their thoughts sometimes. In all honesty, it can be downright fearful at times. 


"When I am afraid to speak is when I speak. That is when it is most important." - Nayyirah Waheed

I allow that quote to resonate with me each and every time I fret speaking my mind--every time I fret writing that blog or this blog, or anything to do with my writings that may be made public.

This blog, I do not share easily. My mind, I do not share easily. I used to never let anyone in out of fear-- fear of what others would think of me, how I would come off. It was only through another person's bravery that I felt brave enough to share my stories, thoughts and feelings in hopes that I could reach others just like me and not like me. 

I do not believe communication should be any different.

I am not saying go tell the whole world your life story or just anyone. Some people will never deserve to know you, because they are only there to steal you away. Not add. 

Again, the honesty is not to be rude or downright hateful. A difference in tone and demeanor speaks wonders to get honest words across.

But just be honest. 

Relieve the stress of "egg shell walking."

And if that puts you in a place you might not have foreseen or that you did not truly want, move along knowing that at least you held nothing back and got out what you wanted to truly say.

I will always choose to leave this earth with no important words unsaid than to take them to the grave with me.

Monday, July 10, 2017

The Will

The Will
By Shaire Blythe

Monday, July 10, 2017

I found I have the will to live.
When the moment hit me, I was reminded of this documentary I watched called The Bridge.
When I stumbled upon it, I wasn't quite aware of the footage it obtained. That was until a seemingly quiet, beautiful view of San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge turned into a jumping ledge for a man, just a normal-looking man, and depicted his end.
I remember being completely stunned. A catatonic state.
I fought against picking some other documentary to watch and my strong desire to know what story the filmmakers were wanting to tell. 
I fought back tears, continuing to watch.
I thought of the fear those people must have held for those seconds of making the decision and drifting into a body of water that held unknown futures for them.
I felt that fear creeping in me with the thought that there was no way I could ever do that; that route was terrifying.
But I guess the story that really stuck with me were the survivors. 
A man spoke of his regret as he rushed toward the chilling water, mid-air.
He was regretful the second he made the decision. 
When I found the will to live, I hadn't made a decision. 
My fate landed in the mishap of my wheel hitting a slick spot on I-65 South bound.
I had dreamed of me losing control behind a wheel. 
I had dreamed of the car I was in spinning out of control just weeks before, only I was a passenger. Not the driver. 
I never figured out how my dream was supposed to end.
I woke myself up before I could find out.
I didn't want to know.
But I knew what regret the survivor from the bridge was talking about.
At least, I came to know it those few seconds my car glided across those lanes, open season and a vehicular weapon to oncoming traffic.
It wasn't regret of what I hadn't done or had.
It was regret that I didn't even know at the time that I would have; it was all subconsciously.
Me pulling the steering wheel and watching out my driver's side window so I could brace myself for the impact of a school bus was so that I could live and prevent from wiping anyone else out with me.
I know I'll keep asking myself how and why did I survive.
I'll keep asking how was it possible to veer across five lanes and not be struck, or for me to not have struck anyone else. 
I'll keep asking, though the answers are clear.
It was no one but God, and He must not be through with me yet.
I hope this can forever serve, no matter how dark my days can become, as a reminder that I do have a will to live. And anyone else out there that feels like ever giving up, continue to fight.

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Self-Seeking Restoration

Self-Seeking Restoration
By Shaire Blythe

I toss and turn, to blazing beams of what hurts,
fragile skin cannot capture comfort,
with emblazoned doubt, I cannot seek the words.
Firm in the past of trauma,
I never learn.
I open my eyes just to return.
Deep formulas I have to regain, no other way.
I have come to swerve in other lanes,
avoiding the collision course for today.
Once tried, to die, to live again.
Released the steering wheel, shut eyes, said amen.
Selfish hearts knows how to reign forever.
Give in to losses and their rainy weather.
Stress, gets no better, lost the treasure, persona.
Perfect face to hide, delude to be stronger.
Sunrise, depression can't be denied.
Tangled brain remains, I must refrain to take flight.